Articulating the Source

Dad [good-naturedly, after waking up the kids late for school]: Kate! What's wrong with us?

Kate: Actually, I think the real question is, "What's wrong with you?"

Juxtaposition

Kate: Did you realize that love spelled backwards is "evol" (pronounced "evil")?

Jane and Her Brother

Retail Price

Kate: I wish everything here was just free.

Four Quarters

Kate: It's not expensive, it's only a dollar.

Dad: Do you have a dollar?

Kate: No.

Dad: Then it's expensive, isn't it?

Extraction Methodology

Kate [holding a just-finished cob picked bare of kernels]: My hands are really buttery, how do I get the little handles off the ends of the corn?

Dad: Pardon?

Kate: I said, "My hands are buttery, how do I…"

[the cob slips and unceremoniously drops to the floor]

Oh, I guess that's how.

Nest Egg

Kate: Mom, do you have any quarters? I just need 3 more.

Mom: Why is that?

Kate: So then I'll have a dollar!

Birthdates

Dad [quizzing the kids on his impending birthday]: How old am I now?

Jane: 3-3!

Dad: And when do I turn 34?

Jane: On your birthday!

Canine to English Interpretation

Andy [while an educational CD plays in the car, translates for the dog]: Mom, Cassie is talking.

Mom: What is she saying?

Andy [with air quotes]: This song is "boring."

Less Than Helpful Imaginary Friends

Kate: My imaginary friend's name is "2+2" because she knows the answer to every math question in the world. She even knows about animals and everything.

Dad: So does she help you with your homework?

Kate: No. She goes to a different imaginary school.