Physical Constraints and Reality

Kate [after discovering her handwritten note to the Tooth Fairy, with accompanying tooth, in her parents' closet]: Mom! Why do you have my note to the Tooth Fairy?!

Mom [after considering whether or not to level with Kate]: It's me. I'm the Tooth Fairy.

Kate: Mom, don't be ridiculous. The Tooth Fairy is small and has wings. And, anyway, you can't even get up early in the morning.

[Editor's note: After subsequently interviewing Kate about her experience and asking her opinion why Mom would tell such a fib, Kate confidently told me that Mom was likely just trying to assume the Tooth Fairy's credit.]

Lexicon

Jane: I want Cheez-Its® for breakfast.

Dad: Cheez-Its aren't breakfast food. They're for snacks.

Jane: Okay, I want a snack.

À La Carte

Jane: How come you gotta have 3 kids?

Mom: Because I wanted to have you.

Jane: But you really just need one.

Mom: Which one?

Jane: Me!

Growing Pain

Jane: My leg hurts.

Dad: Why does it hurt?

Jane: Because I ate a lot of food.

Resources

Kate: A hypothesis is "an idea you can test."

Mom: And how do you test a hypothesis?

Kate: By looking it up on Wikipedia.

Original Humor

Kate [immediately after waking up]: I have a good joke! You wanna hear it?

Mom: Of course.

Kate: What bug controls time?

Mom: What?

Kate: A tick!

Awesomeness

Mom [to Lily]: Are you so awesome?

Lily: Oh yes I am!